Today marks my 24th diabetes anniversary, diaversary. It doesn’t really feel all that momentous. Next year, 25, will be a big one but this year just seems like another day. I’m glad I have gone another year without any new complications. But as I’m getting older and as I have been struggling with blood sugars recently I wonder what kind of impact the last 24 years have had on my long-term health. It’s a scary and depressing thought. Recently, my husband’s grandfather passed away at the age of 93. I’m not sure how long I will live but if I were to live to 93, that will be 84 years with diabetes (assuming there isn’t a cure). I wonder what kind of quality of live I will have, living with diabetes for so long. Next year, I will be celebrating a quarter of a century kicking diabetes’s butt but this year I can’t help but be a little down about it.
I’ve been struggling recently with my blood sugars. I am a person motivated by goals and without goals, I falter. When I got married and started to have babies on the brain, I knew I needed to lower my blood sugars and A1C. Now that I think we are done with having babies, the immediate need to be so perfect isn’t there. For the past four years or so, I would see my average blood sugar around 130-140, with minimal lows. Lately, my average blood sugar has climbed up to the low 200’s.
Am I going through a diabetes burnout? I’m not really sure to be honest. I am still counting carbs and bolusing for those carbs. Granted, I am more guessing than measuring my carbs and using the easy bolus instead of the bolus wizard. I’m still checking my blood sugars several times a day but where I used to check upwards of 10 times a day, I’m leaning towards around 4 times a day, instead counting on my CGM.
Sometimes I wonder if this is what diabetes burnout looks like for me or is it just I’m too busy with my babies to really put too much attention into my blood sugars. Sometimes I think it’s a blessing when I can not worry too much about my diabetes, but other times I feel so guilty that I’m not making my health more of a priority.
I haven’t been blogging as much recently and I think that ties directly with my “burnout”. When my blood sugars and health are doing well, I find that I’m much more active in the Diabetes Online Community. When diabetes becomes a low priority, so does writing and thinking about it. I’ve had many blog posts ideas over the last few months but I just can’t get myself to sit down and write/think about diabetes.
While I’ve been struggling with blood sugars recently, I am so thankful that my new insulin pump/CGM system arrived a few weeks ago. I have been on auto mode for two weeks now and it’s been a dramatic improvement to my blood sugars. I plan on talking about experience with auto mode soon but a little teaser is that it’s lowered my blood sugars a lot in just two weeks. It’s been a nice early Christmas present to see better “control”.
24 years ago today, I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. Its something I have lived with every minute, hour, day, week, month, year for the past 24 years. Some of those minutes, days, etc aren’t spent thinking too much about it while others are spent thinking way too much about diabetes. Some of those days/weeks/months are filled with so much guilt or stress while others have been filled with much love and happiness. 24 years. 24 years with diabetes and all the highs and lows that come with it.