Diabetes Blog Week – Throwback Thursday: What Brings Me Down

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Today’s Diabetes Blog Week topic is What Bring Me Down:

Today let’s revist a prompt from 2014 – May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope? (Thanks again to Scott for this 2014 topic.)

Yesterday, I was having a bad diabetes day.  Today, things are going better.  I never changed my infusion set so I am on day 4.  Yesterday, I wondered if my higher blood sugars were a result of my infusion set but since today is going better, that wasn’t what was wrong.  I ate the same thing this morning that I did yesterday.  So who knows what happened but at least I am feeling better today.

The topics the last two days have been a little depressing.  And today’s topic isn’t much happier.  But that’s the thing with diabetes-its depressing and tough and persistent.  What brings me down about diabetes is the fact that its 24/7. Even if I can go a few hours without thinking about diabetes, it will be time for a meal or a snack and then I have to think about diabetes again.

Diabetes interrupts my sleep, whether it’s because of a high or a low.  The longest stretch I had where diabetes didn’t interrupt my sleep was when I was pregnant and I worked relentlessly to obtain perfect blood sugars.  As silly as it sounds, being pregnant was the best time for my diabetes.  I almost want to get pregnant again so I can have amazing blood sugars again (my husband is reading this and shouting no!).

It’s funny to go back and see what I wrote three years ago.  I participated in 2014’s blog week and wrote on this topic.  I said I was afraid of lows.  I was annoyed by diabetes and I hated when I got a “gusher”.  Three years later, I’ve been pregnant twice and I am no longer afraid of lows.  I wish I had more! I luckily haven’t had any big gushers in a while.  I am still annoyed by diabetes though.  Annoyed by the unpredictability – one day can be so different from the next, the emotional toll it takes – the stigma, the judgement from others, the guilt I put on myself, the blame, the physical toll it takes in the form of finger sticks, bruises, complications, and the expense of it all.

How do I cope with the emotional side?  Get pregnant again…just kidding. I get mad, like yesterday.  Or I suck it up and go on with my day. Or I ignore it – the high blood sugars, the uneducated comments, the guilt, etc.  I tell myself that tomorrow might be better.  Today my blood sugars are better than yesterday.  Tomorrow could be worse but I just take it one day at a time.  Wine also helps…cheers!

To see more of today’s posts, check out Bitter-Sweet Diabetes blog.

7 thoughts on “Diabetes Blog Week – Throwback Thursday: What Brings Me Down

  1. I thought for a moment there might be an announcement.

    I also get angry, usually at the wrong thing. Angry at least releases stored up energy. I think people fail to understand sometimes, how upsetting diabetes can be. Last night i could not get my blood sugar up so at 10 AM I was passed out at the keyboard while sound asleep.

  2. Diabetes is so hard because it is not just what you eat today. It is how much you ate yesterday and today, how much stress you are under, how much exercise yesterday and today, you are coming down with something, your hormones are changing with your monthly cycle, how much sleep you got last night, how much water you drink. How can you do the math for all of that?

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