Today’s Diabetes Blog Week topic is What Bring Me Down:
Today let’s revist a prompt from 2014 – May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope? (Thanks again to Scott for this 2014 topic.)
Yesterday, I was having a bad diabetes day. Today, things are going better. I never changed my infusion set so I am on day 4. Yesterday, I wondered if my higher blood sugars were a result of my infusion set but since today is going better, that wasn’t what was wrong. I ate the same thing this morning that I did yesterday. So who knows what happened but at least I am feeling better today.
The topics the last two days have been a little depressing. And today’s topic isn’t much happier. But that’s the thing with diabetes-its depressing and tough and persistent. What brings me down about diabetes is the fact that its 24/7. Even if I can go a few hours without thinking about diabetes, it will be time for a meal or a snack and then I have to think about diabetes again.
Diabetes interrupts my sleep, whether it’s because of a high or a low. The longest stretch I had where diabetes didn’t interrupt my sleep was when I was pregnant and I worked relentlessly to obtain perfect blood sugars. As silly as it sounds, being pregnant was the best time for my diabetes. I almost want to get pregnant again so I can have amazing blood sugars again (my husband is reading this and shouting no!).
It’s funny to go back and see what I wrote three years ago. I participated in 2014’s blog week and wrote on this topic. I said I was afraid of lows. I was annoyed by diabetes and I hated when I got a “gusher”. Three years later, I’ve been pregnant twice and I am no longer afraid of lows. I wish I had more! I luckily haven’t had any big gushers in a while. I am still annoyed by diabetes though. Annoyed by the unpredictability – one day can be so different from the next, the emotional toll it takes – the stigma, the judgement from others, the guilt I put on myself, the blame, the physical toll it takes in the form of finger sticks, bruises, complications, and the expense of it all.
How do I cope with the emotional side? Get pregnant again…just kidding. I get mad, like yesterday. Or I suck it up and go on with my day. Or I ignore it – the high blood sugars, the uneducated comments, the guilt, etc. I tell myself that tomorrow might be better. Today my blood sugars are better than yesterday. Tomorrow could be worse but I just take it one day at a time. Wine also helps…cheers!
To see more of today’s posts, check out Bitter-Sweet Diabetes blog.